Life and Business Talk with Sky
Welcome to Life and Business Talk with Sky Steele —the podcast that shares real, raw and unfiltered conversations about life and business.
Join Sky, clinical psychologist, business mentor, ADHDer and mum of 4, as she explores the messy middle of life and business. This podcast blends psychology, self-leadership, and real-world strategies to help you stop playing small, trust yourself, and create the life and business that actually fits you.
Life and Business Talk with Sky
Ep 6 - ADHD Paralysis: Understanding causes and coping strategies
Discover the world of ADHD as we dive into ADHD Paralysis, a common challenge for many. Learn about its causes and effective coping strategies in simple terms.
Let's explore how ADHD paralysis affects ADHD adults, ADHD kids, and fellow neurodivergent.
I will share practical tips to manage ADHD and improve focus, mindfulness, and productivity. Overcome ADHD paralysis and lead a fulfilling life.
Tune in now for guidance, support, and empowerment in dealing with ADHD.
Chapters
00:00 - Intro
01:25 - When does ADHD paralysis happen?
02:20 - What ADHD paralysis brings?
04:27 - How ADHD paralysis shows up in different ways for every individual?
06:20 - What happens if you don't understand your feeling of overwhelm?
09:13 - This is a major indicator that you are about to hit ADHD paralysis!
09:26 - 3 types of ADHD paralysis
14:53 - Here's your task this week...
16:16 - What's the best thing to do when picking strategies?
19:49 - Remember, done is better than perfect!
21:20 - Link to the podcast episode for compassion
21:49 - Here's why you need to be compassionate with yourself
23:34 - Outro
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Paralysis is not laziness. It's real. And it can be so scary for many of many of us, right? Like we can have this experience of like being in our mind and knowing that we're supposed to do something, but feeling so overwhelmed and so debilitated that you just can't do the simplest things. I am so excited to be finally back talking to you all like it has been a red hot minute. So if you are new to this space, welcome. My focus instead of just being on broad mental health, I've really kind of niched down a little bit in terms of A D H D. And so what I wanna do every week is answer your questions about A D H D. Hey everyone, sky again for our A D H D chat. Now, today I wanted to talk to you about something called A D H D paralysis. Now, most of us have heard of the word overwhelm, but not everyone has heard of A D H D paralysis, and the reality is the paralysis is the result of overwhelm. You know, when I think about overwhelm, I think about too many demands and not enough. Capacity from me to be able to do the things that I know I need to be able to do. Now, A D H D paralysis happens when the amount of demands, they just keep coming and it feels like they don't let up. And your capacity, it gets smaller and smaller until you get to the point where you literally feel like I cannot. I cannot in any way do the thing. It's almost like this trap door in your mind or your body comes down and just like shuts, right? And your nervous system, it just freezes and you start to feel super stuck in the moment. It, you know, paralysis is not laziness, it's real, and it can be so. Scary for many of many of us, right? Like we can have this experience of like being in our mind and knowing that we're supposed to do something, but feeling so overwhelmed and so debilitated that you just. I can't do the simplest things, you know, when that happens for me or when it used to happen for me. What it would also bring with it would be anxiety and sometimes fear, right? Like, what the fuck is this? Like what is going on? I'd get quite distressed, like the people would round me would see that I would be like in a, in a bit of a state, right?'cause I just didn't know what was going on. And after the fact, there would be so much shame, you know, and the shame would come around. Like, how, how is it that everybody else can do the thing and I can't do the thing? Or how is it that everybody else can cope and I can't cope? Like those stories, those shitty beliefs that pop up all of the fucking time, they just come in and smash me. And all that would happen is I'd get in this vicious cycle of overwhelm, paralysis, shame, overwhelm, paralysis, shame. And it's almost like it'd go round and round and round and round. Now, here's the thing about overwhelm. Is overwhelm happens right when we have too many things going on in our environment. Too much information coming in, and we are not able to effectively filter out the demands. Prioritize the demands and figure out what we need to do next. You know, in one of my other episodes I talked to you about the nature of executive functioning being a problem for A D H D is, and our brain almost being like an orchestra. Well, we've got all of these musical parts and these people that play the instruments really well. But the conductor's missing. The person who's meant to organize, integrate, plan, right? Like lead the team just keeps fucking off. You know when overwhelms coming in again and again and again, and there's no conductor that's helping you filter, prioritize, plan, organize, shut things down, then at some point you're bound to get overwhelmed. Now for many of us paralysis, it shows up in different ways, right? Like you might be a little bit like me in that your brain is like the master overthinker or over analyzer, and you're always focusing on problem. What's next? What if this happens? What if that happens? Should I have done this? Should I have done that? Like, like the brain just doesn't stop, right? And sometimes the brain, the overthinking, it's not just the negatives, it's not just the worries, right? Sometimes it's like really cool shit. Like I wonder what it would be like if I just sold at my house and moved to Italy and then I would create this business and I'd buy a gelato bar and, but I'd only want this kind of ice cream and blah, blah, blah. Like sometimes there's cool shit going on in there too, right? But whether it's the cool shit or it's the worries. Too much is overwhelming, you know, for you overwhelm or that kind of like leading towards paralysis. It might show up as just this inability to start a project, right? An inability to prioritize something. And so that thing builds up with the other thing, builds up with the other thing, and before you know it, you've got 50 things that in your mind all feel like they're the same priority and it just fucking overwhelms you. For some people, overwhelm might build up because your focus and your attention is problematic. Like we've talked about this with ADHD is sometimes for many of us, like you can't filter out the shit around you. So if you're in an environment where there's a lot going on, again, it can build up and up and up and it can get into overwhelm. Like I know for me, like I've got four kids and you think about it, if they have one friend over each, which was the other weekend, we have eight kids, two dogs, two fucking lizards, the rabbit. And the bird and the husband, and the noise and the chaos, and I almost, I can feel myself like it starts from my toes and it builds up and up and up, and I can feel the overwhelm coming. Right, and the thing is, what I've learned now is to try and catch it so it doesn't get to paralysis. But if we're not aware of it and we don't understand our overwhelm and we don't understand the costs of the overwhelm, then it can lead to that paralysis. Now for other people, it's like poor time management, right? You've left everything to the last minute. Now you've got a million things to do. It's so overwhelming. You don't get to finish it all. You're late for the fucking doctor's appointment you've been waiting for for a month. You forgot to pick your kid up from school, and the list goes on and on and on, right? And again, you can feel it in your body that the enormity of tasks just build. Or maybe for you, the overwhelm comes up with decision making. Maybe there's too many demands on you in the moment in terms of having to make a decision and you know, if you are a parent or. I don't know if you are, if you're in like work or if you're like studying or whatever it might be. Like every single day there's gonna be decisions. Like for me, I wake up in the morning, you know, it's like, what time should I get up to have enough time? And then, you know, should I wake max up first, but he's gonna be cranky? Or then should I wake Josh up first? But then they're gonna fight, like, who's breakfast do I give first? Right? Who gets the last bit of the chocolate milk? Who's gonna have the bigger argument, right? Like, should I let the dogs out before I wake the kids up? Or should I let the dogs wake the kids up? Or again, like the brain. Right. A D H D brains, we see so many choices in one thing, whereas many neurotypicals see one choice, where we see 50, right? But again, that overwhelm. It builds and it builds, right? Or maybe you are someone who you jump between tasks. So when you wake up in the morning, you can see 50 half jobs, nothing finished, nothing complete. And that environment and that space for you is a trigger for overwhelm. Or maybe for you, you are the avoider and you've avoided that conversation. That was hard. You've avoided texting that person back. You've avoided that email. You've avoided paying that bill. You've avoided buying the new clothes 'cause you don't feel good in your clothes. You've avoided whatever the fuck it is. And now one day, it's almost like you wake up and you see all of those things you've been avoiding, smacking you in the face. And again, we're in overwhelm. Or maybe for you it's the brain fog. Where so much has happened for so long that there's almost like this cloud and this fog around you. That you can't seem to escape from and you can't get out of. And it's just like, it's almost, suffocating is a word I would use, but it might be different for you. And again, the overwhelm builds. Now the problem as the overwhelm builds and builds and builds and the demands keep coming and coming and coming, your nervous system shuts down. It's like your nervous system is saying to you and the world, fuck off. I am done. We are shutting down. Now I can cope with nothing else, like who's heard themselves. Say the sentence, I'm done. I'm just, I'm done. I'm done. That sentence is probably a really good indicator that you are heading to a D H D paralysis. Now there's three types of A D H D paralysis, and it's really helpful as an A D H D R to be super clear on like what's your type of paralysis, because then you can come in as an observer and start to be more aware of when it's creeping up on you, right? Because A D H D paralysis, it's a bit like going to a theme park, right? The paralysis is the rollercoaster that you don't wanna fucking be on. Once you're on it, you're fucking stuck, like you have to do the ride. Right. If you get off you die. But going to the theme park, Hanging around the theme park, lining up in the rollercoaster line, getting on the rollercoaster before it starts, all of that. There's room for choice, there's room for movement. So learning your paralysis, learning when you're rocking up at the theme park, learning when you're getting closer to the rollercoaster. All of that information is gonna help you to minimize. I don't say stop because it's gonna happen guys, but minimize how often you find yourself in paralysis and how severe it is when it shows up, right? Maybe we'll end up on the little rollercoaster. Now, the first step of A D H D paralysis is mental paralysis, and this tends to be the one that I experience the most, right? And this is the person that is overwhelmed with thoughts, emotions. Information coming in and sensory overload. It's like, it's like your head, you're in your head. There's so much coming in and you can't filter it out. And again, it's not always negative. Like it might be the radio's playing and then the kids are talking. And then you had the thoughts about the new idea for your business, but then you remember the. S spill milk that you left in the house before you got home, and then you've just drove past the vet and gone, fuck, I forgot the vet was at 10 o'clock this morning and I've missed it. And then you remember that you've misplaced your credit card and then you remember that you need milk on the way home, and now you can't get the milk for the eggs. That that's the only fucking thing that the kids are gonna eat. Now they're gonna have attention. And before you know it, all of that information coming in, I dunno about you, I call it a brain crash. It's like my brain literally just goes done. And again, the trap door comes down and it's almost like my kids will, like, I zone out. Like I'm checked out. I cannot speak to you. I cannot answer you. I cannot make a choice for you. I am done. Hear the sentence again, that that is what mental paralysis is. Now the other type of paralysis. Is choice paralysis. So maybe for you it's like, you know, the analysis paralysis. So maybe for you, it's like when you are faced with too many choices. You have to make too many decisions. You start to overthink, you overanalyze, you look for all of the information. You end up down the fucking rabbit hole. You've got 50 million conflicting Google tab searches that you have now found that have just fucked with your choices, and you struggle to pick a solution. And again, the tabs being open, the amount of choices that you have to make, the amount of information that you now have to filter through the amount of people that you've got around you going, have you made the choice? Have you made the choice yet? Whew, lordy me. Right? Overwhelm, trapped all paralysis. Then the last one is A D H D task paralysis. Now task paralysis is when we know there's something that we need to do, but two things happen. We can't prioritize which task we need to do first. So all of those motherfuckers build up and we've got 50. And then the second thing is we become really hesitant or scared or unmotivated to begin a task, right? Like I'll always remember it like every Saturday my mom would say to me, okay guys, like it's time to clean your room. And my sister would go into her room and she would start cleaning, and she was a lot more organized, um, way more organized than I have ever been. Right. And I would literally stand at my door and overwhelm would just, you know, like that feeling when it washes over you. When you feel that. Sick feeling and my brain would be like, I dunno where to start. I'd be like, do I start in the cupboard? But if I start in the cupboard, then you know, what about the mess on the floor? But if I pick the mess up off the floor and then I try to hang it in the cupboard, then the cupboard's not clean. But if I get caught up in the cupboard, then do I take some of the clothes out and then I start filtering them so I can throw them out to the salvos. But then if I start doing that, Then I'm gonna have to find a garbage bag. But if I go and find the garbage bag, where are the garbage bags again? And then I'm gonna get in trouble for mom. So I better my, I better not go out. I better stay in my room and then, oh fuck, I also need to make my bed. But what kind of shits do I need and what color do I like? And right, like it beca again, the task in itself becomes overwhelming. Right? And then we procrastinate, we zone out, and we avoid. And the trap door comes down because the task just gets bigger around us. And again, it's because that executive functioning, right? One task for many A D H D is, is 50 fucking tasks in one. And we've gotta figure that shit out before we even know where to start. Overwhelm, right? Oh, the minute we start to feel overwhelmed, whew. Trap door. Task paralysis right now. Start observing yourself over the week. Like when do you start to notice that kind of feeling wash over you of like, oh fuck. Right? When do you start to notice that you're feeling overwhelmed? Like start writing it down. Like, where are you? What are you doing? Who are you with? What executive functioning is being pulled upon? Like is it your attention, right? And your inability to do that? Is it your working memory? Is it your problem solving? Right? Is it your self-awareness? Right? Start getting an idea of where your struggle points are so you know how to support yourself in the overwhelm. Now, here's the thing people say to me is like, great Sky, like, thanks for sharing that with me, and I totally get it and I hear you, but what do I do with it? Now I can tell you what I do with it, and then you can take from that and see what works for you. Right? But my strong advice is to start somewhere. Pick one strategy that you think might support you and give that a go for a week. Because sometimes what we do is we start to Google task paralysis, and then we find 10, 20, 30 hundreds of things that we should do, and then we get overwhelmed, and then we try to do six of the strategies, and then we get caught up in the overwhelm of the strategies. And you can see where I'm going with this, right? Whereas the best thing to do is pick one strategy and see if it works for you. Now, the one strategy that I find helpful for myself, for my little human, for my clients is a brain dump. And whether your brain dump is at someone in a beautiful way, like I will say to Joel, Hey, I need to brain dump. Can you just listen to me for 10 minutes? So you would just say it out loud to the human right. And then they like just saying sometimes things out loud. It almost like it, it kind of processes in your brain. Right? Or for me, what I find even better is writing a brain dump on pen and paper. So I get the paper out and I literally do this once a day. I'll be like, okay, sky. And I talk to myself, what is in your mind and what needs to come out? And I will literally just brain dump everything that's there. I. And I encourage you to use pen to paper for two reasons. One is pen to paper is more cathartic, therapeutic, and research shows us that we actually learn better and we feel better when we're actually physically writing the thing. So just typing on the phone, it's not gonna cut it and it's not gonna work. And let's be honest, the phones will take us down another fucking rabbit hole that we don't wanna be in, right. Back to the brain dump on the pen and paper, then what I will do is I will read through the brain dump and I will literally say to myself, so what is actually there that requires action and whatever does not require any action from me, I cross off. Then what I do is I get my Post-It notes, and on my Post-it notes, I will transfer the actionable things that I need to do to the Post-It note. So it might be Ring the Doctor for Max, follow up that referral, fill out the hospital form for Josh, right? Finish that report for so-and-so, pay that bill. Right. And I'd be really specific on the Post-It note. And then what I do with those post-it notes is I'm like, oh, here's my. I have to do shit for home Post-it note category, and I put all them together. Here's my post-it notes for work. Here's my post-it notes for Sky, and then I check in. Hang on a minute. Right now I'm at work, so I put the home ones aside. I put the sky ones aside and I'm like in my work pile. What is one of them that I'm gonna do right now? And I literally will pick one up and I will carry that motherfucker around until I complete it. And then once I'm done, I will literally scribble it up and either throw it in the bin or I don't know, throw it at Sherry.'cause she's awesome. And it's a bit of fun'cause bring joy and fun to this like seriously. Right. And it's done. And it's gone. And it's freeing, right? You almost get the dopamine hit from ripping that motherfucker up and throwing it away, right? And then you're only left with what's in. You pick another one up. Now, the other reason why it's a post-it note and I carry it around is because then I don't forget the thing that I'm doing.'cause it's literally with me when I'm going to do the tasks. The other thing that I learned to do with my Post-It notes is prioritize them. So if there's more than five, you're gonna get overwhelmed. So literally just pick five. It doesn't matter if they're not the most important. The goal right now is to get shit done. And out of that five I. Put the most important one at the top, and then the second one, the third one, the fourth one, the fifth one, and then you take the first one and then the second one and so forth. Right. So we are really trying to practice breaking it down. We're trying to practice keeping things simple. We're trying to practice putting things in a priority. And the other thing to remember too is that you don't have to get shit perfect. Done is better than perfect. And this is something that has took, it's taken me a long time, right? It's like, well, if I get the washing done and it's not perfect, that's okay. If I get, um, the bills paid and it's not perfect, guess what? Someone sending me a reminder and that will sort itself out, right? Where it's just about getting it done. We can go back, we can fix something up later. But if we kind of sit in this state of overwhelm again, it's paralysis, the trap doors down, and we are doing nothing. The other thing that is super important as an A D H D is bring fun in the day. Bring fun in the moment. You know, maybe with the house it's like, how can you put your favorite music on and dance around? Right? You know, who can you bring in? That's a bit of a laugh that you can bounce off when you're doing something. Like, what can you do to bring a bit of joy and fun in your day? Or maybe you can get in the practice. And this is a practice of like, I'm gonna do three minutes of something fun and then I'm gonna do 10 minutes of work. But making sure the transition doesn't create more problem right to, to really tricky balance. But fun is so important. And the other big word that I want you to think about, When you are really working on taking care of yourself and the overwhelm right, is compassion. And if you haven't listened to the podcast video on compassion, go and do that now because compassion is so important, right? Like when we are looking at the overwhelm, when we are looking at when we are in paralysis. We wanna come in from a place of understanding, of observation, of curiosity, and be super kind. The minute you come in with criticism, you're just adding in more problem that's already there, right? The way that you treat yourself, it matters. It matters so much, right? If you are in overwhelm and the story is I should be able to do better, you are gonna build more overwhelm, which leads quickly to paralysis. If you are in overwhelm and you shift the story to, it's okay, like this is so valid right now, take a breath and you can get through this. You're less likely to get into paralysis as quick. Is it hard? Oh my God, yes. Is it worth it though? Absolutely. But here's the thing, nothing changes unless something changes. So it's all about practicing these skills. Yeah. And again, like I'd love to hear from you. So you know, spend the week, do some observation, notice you're overwhelmed. Notice where you're being unkind to yourself. Notice what environments you are, where the trap door shuts down. You know, practice maybe that skill of brain dumping, writing it down, making the task fun, and then jump in the Facebook group living with a D H D and let us know, like sharing there. What do you notice for yourself? Where are your struggle points? What works for you? Because the other thing that I've learned about the importance of communication in an A D H D community is like, I get to learn from you and you get to learn from me. And then, you know, Betty gets to learn from Bill, and Bob gets to learn from Jill, and I'm just making it up, right? But the more community, the more discussion, the more conversation, the more we can learn from each other. All right, everyone, thanks for listening, and I will talk to you again next time.
